Carrying On….

Every day that I work I see several people facing death.  I then go home and expect people to understand that death can come at any moment, and that we should never take people we love for granted.  I have since learned that to always be aware that you and everyone you love will die is a terrible way to live to. It is impossible to ask someone to live everyday like they were going to die tomorrow.  I don’t want to live like I am dying; I want to live like I am living. And just like I don’t want to live like I am dying, I don’t want to know I am loved because I may die. I want to know I am loved simply because I am loved.  Everyone is going to die, I understand this.  Today, tomorrow, five, ten, forty, eighty years from now, nobody knows when. Therefore, why spend the time you have worrying about it?  Instead, the best advice I can give, is that no matter what you are going through…carry on, because you just don’t know what is waiting for you, and that’s okay, because at the moment you are alive.

There are two major people in my life that have helped me to carry on.  They are my crutches, I can limp along without them, but with them I stand tall.  Before I begin to explain these two wonderful people, I just want to say that I have MANY people who have helped me through this journey and big thank you to every single person.  Support is something I feel I took for granted before, and I have since discovered how grateful I am for everyone in my life who I love so very much. However, there are two people who have been there through thick and thin, and who have seen my good, bad, and ugly days…and they still love me the same. The two wonderful people of whom I speak of are, my husband, Phil, and my very best friend, Melissa.  They each help me, in very different ways, to face whatever may come my way.

Most of you know the story of “Phil and Lauren”, but for those who do not; I will try to create a brief summary. We met our freshman year in high school French class.  We sat right next to each other, and enjoyed ‘flirting’ during class.  One day I cleverly wrote “Lauren was here” on his arm, and at the time, I had no idea the significance that would have in the coming years.  We began dating when we were only fifteen. It appeared to be a short-lived romance when Phil broke up with me a few months late.  I was devastated as he was my first heart break. He finally came to his senses on March 18^th 2000, when he asked me out again, and the rest is history.  We would become St. Dominic’s “cutest couple” (insert “awww!” here).  We both went to Mizzou, and were married July 8, 2006.  Two houses, several jobs, and two kids later we were hit with my cancer diagnosis.  We both thought we loved each other very much before all of this, but our love has been strengthened immensely by something so devastating.  I know this has been so incredibly hard for Phil, but he has remained strong in order to help me when I am weak. He never complains, but instead listens to me when I need him.  He literally can pick me up when I am down.  Also, he makes sure I take care of myself, even when I want to be doing other things. I honestly do not know where I would be without him.  Thank you dear for being so incredibly kind and understanding, and for loving me…I love you so.

The story of “Melissa and Lauren” takes a very different course…obviously.  We have been friends since the summer prior to sixth grade.  We did not start as friends, in fact I refused to wear my new addidas coat to school because Melissa had the same one, you know because I was too cool and all.  Once I came to my senses and realized being ‘cool’ was over-rated, I accepted my inner ‘nerd’, and we joined forces.  After several grade school years of poop jokes, wearing matching shirts, listening to Backstreet Boys, staying up late eating candy and watching scary movies, we went on to high school. We then chased boys, met our future husbands, and had a blast in the mean-time.  It wasn’t until college, after a huge fight, that I think we really realized how much we needed each other.  As cheesy as it sounds she is my yin and I am her yang…we just “get” each other.  There is no one on this earth I can laugh as deeply with than Melissa… because we are hysterical (or at least we think so). There is also no one else I can tell exactly what I am thinking, whether right or wrong, and not be judged for it.  I will never forget the day I had to tell Melissa. Instead of breaking down right then and there, her exact words were “Okay, we got this.” She didn’t say how sad she was, or even cry.  She stayed strong for me…she could see I was getting ready to break down, and she stayed strong, like any great friend would do.  Again, for very different reasons, I do not know where I would be without her. Thank you sweetie for always being there no matter what, for being the greatest friend a girl could as for, and for loving me for who I am…I love you so. 

I have been so incredibly blessed to have these two people in my life, and the reason for sharing these stories is simply to tell of how wonderful they have been.  Taking people for granted is not something I take lightly because, unfortunately I know how fragile life can be. However, I am learning that it is so important to love someone because they are alive, not because they may die.  Phil and Melissa have helped to teach me this valuable lesson.  God only knows how much time we have.  I have learned to lift my worries up to God, and in the meantime to be thankful for each and every day, and all of the blessings that come along with them.  And most importantly, in the most difficult times (with a little from God and my friends) to… Carry On.

“Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you.” Isaiah 46:4

“If you're lost and alone
Or you're sinking like a stone
Carry on
May your past be the sound
Of your feet upon the ground” Fun-Carry On